Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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