K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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