he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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