so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
