So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You ruined the universe
Randomize
