i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
