You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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