ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
