I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Randomize
