So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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