If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
