I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
