She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
