so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
