Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
