I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
