My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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