You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
