Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
