Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
