she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
