Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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