This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think I sprained my soul last night
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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