I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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