Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
