doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
