It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
