Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
40s are totally the cure
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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