At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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