Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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