he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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