That's intense
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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