I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
