He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
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You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
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Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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