This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
