somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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