What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
