even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
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is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
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My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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