You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
