I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
