I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
