dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
