): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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