hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
