and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
