She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
