i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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