He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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