So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
