Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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