I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
