They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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