I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
