its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
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then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
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I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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