Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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