my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
