yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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