Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
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the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
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My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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