the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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