I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
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At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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