im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My breasts were aching with rage.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
