I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
