This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
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I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
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I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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