what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
