The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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