I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
