And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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