she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots