Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
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would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
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Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!