Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.