I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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