I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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