I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
