and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
